i’ve loved u once, i said i’ll do it again,
i did search for you, but then i had lost you
yes i was mumbling, was not who i am
and til now i still can’t find, the trueself of mine
you were a very fond memory of mine
someone i didnt want to let go or leave behind
i’ve loved u so much, but i pushed you too much
coz i fear of losing you, its painful, its hard
i tried to be strong, the only way that i knew
the mumbling u say, it my the shield that i use
i dont know how to change what was then
but i knoe now, but its useless in the end
its good to see that u r happier now
i could only smile and wish u the best
but i thank u so much for teaching me how
to live my life, to be me, is always the best
thanks h@ze for everything, never really got to thank u for it. u showered me with love, i knew was sincere. but my fear of losing u finally made me lose u. but ur off better with someone else, if kahwen, jangan lupa hantar khabar. thanks alot for the one year we had.
it has been more than a year now since i’ve known u. we had a year with each other too. what irony. n all this while, i’ve been hoping n praying that u were finally the one for me.
we started out as crazy irc couples. juz to buang boring la tek n spice up the channel. then i fell for u. n confessed. u did the same too. it was so sweet.
our 1st date, we went for movies. then u held my hand for the 1st time n i leaned on ur shoulders. that same day, we took our 1st pic together. i think it is the only pic of us together thus far.
the 2nd time we met, u came over to my place. n helped out in the kitchen. haha.. ANTI na ngan bawang. LoL. that night u gave me d 1st hug when i was doing the dishes. then we hung out in d room. n u held me tight. hehe.. tgh suk2 berpeluk, i kissed u. terkejut indah pok. hehe.. 1st kiss. IN MY ROOM GIK YA! nang terer la.. wanted to spend the nite together but… yala.. mami tgh meronda. next day.. ada org sik mamuh. isk isk isk… me masak mi maggy plak for u. puih.. untung na… then u went home.
3rd time we met, i kidnapped u from home. took u to town. hehe.. the rest is a story only u n i know. i remember tat day. u gave me a ring. which i’ve been wearing everyday, every hour every minute. never really left my finger. coz it’s the 1st time a guy has ever given me a ring. jiwang la tek. it was a sweet thought.
you left for kk. back to school. val day i sent u a parcel. n compiled a book wif our pics inside. felt very special altho u were far away.
but then, things started to change. u became cold. n kept ur distance. then i found out. u had someone else all along. how stupid of me. but i let u make up ur mind. i didnt wanna lose u. not even once.
when u had finished school. u came back. we met up once every 2-3 weeks. juz spending time with each other.
it’s funny.. we stayed as a couple.. till God knows when. even for my bday this year, i went all the way to bntl to spend time with you. wanted a special bday. n i did get to spend time with u. n i got an extra bonus, u came down to kch wif me. ur mom suroh. dah nasib eh. one whole nite in the bus cuddling. it was such a sweet moment. nothing can replace that. i felt so loved. n so wanted. n so adored. but it didnt last.
you started keeping your distant again. this time u were going further. sms per day dropped from 50sms to 5 sms. everything seem to go wrong. every single word. every gesture. etc.
then ur bday came up. i had everything carefully planned. n ordered. but some stuff were delayed. so i cud only give u the shirt that i bought. i went up to meet u but my car broke down. u did come by. but u were so eager to leave. i tried to hold ur hands but u didnt seem pleased. i tot i gud gif u a kiss n a hug but i cud see, u didnt want anything anymore. so i left for home.
then finally, i made up my mind. i’m giving him a chance. he has been there all these while telling me that you will come n look for me. pujuk me saying that you still love me. imagine tat, a guy telling me all these bout my bf. wow… nya gik tell me not to give up on you! but u didnt care at all anymore. i dont matter to u anymore. thats when i decided to give him a shot. he has been there for me.
funny, even when i gave him a chance, i was still holding onto the hopes of being wif u again. but i was stupid, u had already moved on. already have a gf. n me? hoping on false hope.
anyways, juz wanted to let u noe… i really did love u. n i havent let u go. its not easy. i juz wished things didnt turn out this way. but its fate. please take care. n be happy. GBU!
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