My heart is drying itself up drop by drop. That feeling of pain when there's no wound not scar. Drops of tear like blood from the heart. Probably, what normal people call DEPRESSION.
Mentally tortured. Truly, killing me softly~~
It the unexplainable feeling of pain. The exhaustion of the mind thus resulting body fatigue.
The headaches - feeling like the room is spinning just without the sharp pain in the back of the head.
The uneasiness of typing on the keyboard or dialing the phone for fear of making a mistake.
This torment... is just too much right now.
Aside from that, love has not been so nice too.
Falling out of love is more like it. Demotivated. The love candle is burning dimmer and dimmer and getting shorter. How can I turn it into eternal flame when I'm second guessing myself daily?
He is the one at this moment, but will he be the ONE that's forever? With the way he is presenting himself, my family is not amused nor impressed. Yes, you can impress my cousins but my aunts, uncles?
HE should be the MAN. HE should MAN-UP. HE should be more than just a status.
WHY?
Because HE will be the head of the family. HE will be the one who provides. HE will have to give me at least 1.5k monthly for allowance etc. HE will be the caretaker.
Having/building a family is somewhat like a business.
You have the Director, the Manager, the Executor.
HE should be the Directors and Executor. and I should be the Manager.
Amusing as it may sound... i'm still depressed though, just thinking about it. Because at this moment, I'm the Director, The Manager and Executor and HIM? Just the officer~~
Food for thought: Who are you in your relationship?
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Stupidity at its finest
I was thinking to myself earlier today, it has been awhile that I've blogged. Needless to say, I might procrastinate and disappear again from the blogging world.
The day today started quite early to my surprise. I manages to get hold of good breakfast from McDonalds. Haven't had the privilege of eating fast food for breakfast in such a long time.
Stupidity struck me today. I should have realised before I clicked the SEND button. I already felt uneasy as I was looking for the mail. My tummy was right, there was something wrong. STUPIDITY... definitely at it's finest today. Never seen or heard the Big Gun so angry. I bet if the Big Gun was here, the whole building could there that top of the lung yelling. It was my fault afterall. Being stupidly reckless.
I guess my mind has not been in it's place or behaving like it's supposed to.
Then again, the Big Gun was being quite emotional and always pissed at something lately. Rear ends on fire I guess. No reason to be dramatic. It affects one's mental state you see. But oh well...
It is never good to start the day with negativity. But since I was experiencing stupidity, it can never get any better.
9gag helped taking my mind off things awhile. But again, the whole scene in the morning came flashing back.
The thought of jumping out the window did pop up. But it is just not worth it with the LEMONS I receive monthly.
Food for thought: Why can't people just smile first and breath in and out before lunging at someone. Keeping calm keeps the mind at ease and maintain rationale.
The day today started quite early to my surprise. I manages to get hold of good breakfast from McDonalds. Haven't had the privilege of eating fast food for breakfast in such a long time.
Stupidity struck me today. I should have realised before I clicked the SEND button. I already felt uneasy as I was looking for the mail. My tummy was right, there was something wrong. STUPIDITY... definitely at it's finest today. Never seen or heard the Big Gun so angry. I bet if the Big Gun was here, the whole building could there that top of the lung yelling. It was my fault afterall. Being stupidly reckless.
I guess my mind has not been in it's place or behaving like it's supposed to.
Then again, the Big Gun was being quite emotional and always pissed at something lately. Rear ends on fire I guess. No reason to be dramatic. It affects one's mental state you see. But oh well...
It is never good to start the day with negativity. But since I was experiencing stupidity, it can never get any better.
9gag helped taking my mind off things awhile. But again, the whole scene in the morning came flashing back.
The thought of jumping out the window did pop up. But it is just not worth it with the LEMONS I receive monthly.
Food for thought: Why can't people just smile first and breath in and out before lunging at someone. Keeping calm keeps the mind at ease and maintain rationale.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
the feather to my ink, once upon a time
as this new year set in, i flashed back the past year - 2011. so many things happened. but the most sad was losing the feather to my ink.
my feather went back on the arms of an angel last october leaving behind only poems and memories.
my feather last lay with me in the months before his depart. his last drink with me: unforgetable.
my feather shared with me, his gentle touch. like no other people had ever before. no words needed. just a soft gentle touch in the silence of the night.
no one else understood how we bonded. not many know they story behind as i was his story untold and unwritten.
my feather is no longer here with me but with the angels.
he will continue to write. how wrong it will sound, oh my... i can imagine.
as now, he is God's very wrong feather. watching over everyone. waiting for everyone.
i know i miss him and he knows it too.
alas, i know not what to write no more. although i now have pens and markers, still my feather was the best.
sharing the same passion and understanding... he will always be... the feather to my ink...
asc
RIP
my feather went back on the arms of an angel last october leaving behind only poems and memories.
my feather last lay with me in the months before his depart. his last drink with me: unforgetable.
my feather shared with me, his gentle touch. like no other people had ever before. no words needed. just a soft gentle touch in the silence of the night.
no one else understood how we bonded. not many know they story behind as i was his story untold and unwritten.
my feather is no longer here with me but with the angels.
he will continue to write. how wrong it will sound, oh my... i can imagine.
as now, he is God's very wrong feather. watching over everyone. waiting for everyone.
i know i miss him and he knows it too.
alas, i know not what to write no more. although i now have pens and markers, still my feather was the best.
sharing the same passion and understanding... he will always be... the feather to my ink...
asc
RIP
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